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Album
KQED Equals Volvo//
A littler closer to home one –
who’s distant. A sick look glazed over
my repression. Humbly I’m dismissed with no warning. Momentary this
bliss. You can see the look on my face. Say, nothing’s said. I wish
you’d fight me ‘til the last teardrop’s bled. Momentary this bliss. I
can see the look on your face, and I just can’t wait.
Bang Yer Head//
Lower the voice and be
recognized. I, of course, see no reason to
reply. Give me my just desserts give me my recognition, that proof.
Remain closed all of those who dare to remain unchanged by your words.
Pull back the hammer and take aim. And shoot yourself in the foot,
shoot everyone else in the foot. Rid us of all meaning. The credit
seems to be all yours. And you’re sure of your strength once more (and
all could be dismissed with: “whatever, it’s cool” and you could argue
that it must be good or violent or irrelevant, but it isn’t really any
of those, and I guess I hate that attitude more than anything).
[***the interlude***]
Don’t shoot, don’t show. Push
harder the plastic fork shards under my
nails. Things don’t turn out like this even in our wildest dreams. What
exactly is that smile? What is that smile on your face supposed to
mean? “We both know I’ve got those thoughts and words too, but I guess
I don’t give them enough use.”
[one]: Go back where you came
from, I don’t care, please go right now!
[other]: I wish I could but I
seem to have forgotten how.
There are a few truths, and
here’s just one: I’m as fucked up about as
much as you’re fucked up. But beyond that there are only grasped straws
and our own private/petty perceived flaws. Where’s that gun? We should
both use it. Doomed from the start. Committed to failure. Simply
mirrors all? Rejected selves live to fall.
The Control Freak//
Into the retrofit past – turn
the corner. The voice in my head barks
its selfless orders and the nylon leash gets a little shorter and I
wonder who the invisible bondsman is. Over shoulder, checking to see if
anyone is watching, waiting for the struggle that won’t come. Against
the bonds of what I cannot do, what I cannot shows, what I cannot lose.
And I know that I will remain shut in, because the metal door is locked
from the inside. Its just me and myself against the world. Its just a
flat out refusal. And so my superiority and privilege lies dashed to
pieces on the cold, stone floor, mixed with the horrific runoff from
what is no longer my freedom my violence my laziness my fucked freedom
mine. That freedom which so many love. The freedom I choose to pursue
no more. And I see how perverse that freedom is. The fists and blood
money stay in my hip pockets. And I show that my hands aren’t
inherently violent. And I realize how beautiful these Chinese handcuffs
are.
Implications of a Sinkhole
Personality//
Standing there with your
ethics. You’re just standing there. Standing
there mouth agape. Your ethics like a rewound tape. Where were you when
you became this? Shocked individual with self-assured face. Do you
understand that look in your eyes? Conscious of reality buried under
your glue on morals, nervous system strung out on self-service. But
raised eyebrows don’t seem to make it better. My raised eyebrows. See
yourself in others. Be yourself through others. Hate yourself in
others. Kill yourself in others. My fingers are so pointed, though.
The Outlook is Bleak//
Blackened nothings whispered.
I want this dead; there’s no more to say.
I’ve found myself lacking in all but a few necessary motives. Fastened
to whitewashed terms. Polish made new fortitude’s scorn. Polished what
was. Polished that voting machine. My own private bureaucratism. False
sense of security false sense of self gives you ammunition. Cold minds
never feel the width of separation. Cool mines refill from seizures
torn today.
Snicker Snicker//
I hate to say it, but I had no
idea what this would become. Lulled to
sleep. It always works that way. Bullets in control – watch out for
your uniform in control – watch out for those stray bullets. Tongue
tied – those outside define everything. High beams- my dark side is
everything. No wonder high use of black plastic eye shields. No one
leaves the house without a Kevlar skin suit. Let’s not pretend any
longer. A weapon, an open grave, our desire. Or maybe a simple little
glance. Whose eyes are glued to your head? And we keep saying fuck you
and they keep right on looking, but I won’t say one word. No. I won’t
say one fucking word.
Something Less Than Intended//
Remember those ideals,
remember mom and dad? We’re them. Remember
carefree friendship, oh those great times. Living like the stars, just
playing with our hearts, how cute. Predestined predestined I’m
predestined. Let’s play scapegoat, let’s play martyr. Pretty intention.
Let’s be living dead. OK, I’m going to fuck you over now. It’s like I’m
living someone else’s life. OK, I’m going to fuck you over now, but I
know I’m not “them.” Flashy packaging leads me to believe in the
novelty of my own being. Evolving into enemy into trash into self. Look
at this hand, would I hurt someone? The tongue will brand, regardless.
Looking in the mirror, I’d trust that face. Pausing for reflection,
you’d be a fool to. Remember please lost memory too bad.
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split 7”
Journeyman//
It's hard to believe the end
has come. I won't say I'm not apprehensive
about telling you everything. This will be my work. I’ve condemed
myself. Let's not flatter ourselves - we're only as good as our trends
permit. I've been so fucking critical, but tell me who hasn't? You have
no idea what you were to me. Now you've left these shoes to fill, and
they're so stiff. It's hard to start anew.
A Known Place//
Are you alive or are you dead?
Do you know what the fuck you are? I
don't know what's going on. I don't know who I really am. Whoever knows
what they are, knows nothing at all. We all have one thing in common -
nothing. But you know one thing for sure - your fucking place. What's
your race. What's your sex. What's your rank. What's your fucking
serial number. What are you? Am I right or wrong? Not properly defined,
am I alive or am I dead?
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"Stealing the
Pocket" -
(Positively Punk)
Song With the Slow Part//
This is what is. This is
really important. This is what is. This is
useless. I’m wasting my time. I’m wasting myself. I won’t bleed for
nothing, because to me this is something. I won’t turn myself inside
out for your pleasure. And I don’t want this just to be background
noise. This is something. This is what runs in my veins. I put a lot
into this. I get a lot out. Out of myself – out of what I do. I live
for this.
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XXX comp (Ebullition)
Sticks Together//
This is where it all began.
Through myself is how I built my own. Right
here is where I became alive. Why didn’t you do the same? Go ahead and
tell me that “we are so different from each other.” Come on, tell me
how you’ll never understand. Keep showing me just how little you
believe, but don’t count on me to give a damn. Your potential outweighs
your will, but you can’t be blamed. Convention is responsible for that.
Still, I wish I could do something. This is what I did for myself.
Please don’t say that you couldn’t do the same. Think how much you
could have achieved, if only you had tried. It’s time that you made the
change that we all must. Because you know right where you’re heading.
And now is your chance to make sense of everything. Why don’t you make
that break? I know you don’t want to play the sentimental fool. And you
can hide the truth from yourself. But no matter what you say, I’ll be
right here.
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Other songs
Stiff Upper//
Stoically confined by our
Barriers of rationality. We did it to
ourselves, and we know it’s where we should be. Because everyone knows
that emotions are nothing but a burden to us. The way to succeed is to
show no mercy and the right way to interact is without sympathy and the
way to power is through impassivity and our crude feelings are too
awkward and not even an option. But if something threatens our safe,
cement wall, if someone threatens to break through our cold,
calculating veil, we know how to deal with them. We know how to put
them down. We know how to reject them calmly and dismiss their
irrationality.
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